Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
