I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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