We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
