I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
