I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
