There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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