If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
