great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
