Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
