If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
