the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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