I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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