We're like a lot better than the average bears
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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