My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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