Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
