Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
