Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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