How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
