i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
