Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
