How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
