im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
