you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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