At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just forgot I was standing up.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
