at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My cat gives me a boner
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
