Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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