At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
