So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
