FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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