dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
