Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
