dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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