People in love make me want to vomit
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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