yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I need a burrito and a hug.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
