party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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