where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
