I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
