His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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