Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
