so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
