i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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