Yo dont text me then not text me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
