So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
