Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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