i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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