help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
