Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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