I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
