just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
