My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
