The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
