I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
